


Nobody's Home

by stalkerish



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-19
Updated: 2012-11-19
Packaged: 2017-11-19 01:54:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/567744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stalkerish/pseuds/stalkerish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anna and Ruby both feel like they don't have a place where they belong. Incidentally, they find that they belong with each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nobody's Home

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaahhh!!! this is my first fic. Ever. So basically, any constructive criticism would be more than welcome. Also, the fic was sort of inspired by the song Nobody's Home by Avril Lavigne (it also named the fic, haha) so if you want to, give it a listen!

Before the whole Winchester/apocalypse thing happened, Ruby had been one of the highest ranking demons in the pit. While hurting humans was no biggie for, well, any of them, she understood them on a level no other demon did and therefore she also knew how to hurt them even more. She was clever and powerful, and that gave her a great deal of respect.  
  
Back then everything was easy. She didn’t feel guilt for harming people, for harming anyone. All she knew was how to stay on top. And actually, that continued for a while after she met the Winchesters as well, she was only following the plan, her plan, to make Lucifer rise once again.

But now… she was feeling doubt. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling, not like the sex or power induced things she used to feel, and she couldn’t get rid of it. She was starting to agree with things she only said to make Sam trust her, she wasn’t sure that releasing Him from His cage was the best way to go anymore. She was remembering even clearer than ever before what it was like to be human.  
  
She hated it. It made everything complicated and it could put everything she had fought for all these years at stake.  
  
But did it really matter anymore? The other demons believed that she had already betrayed them, just by being with Sam and Dean (and freaking angels now, too!) she was less than the filth under their metaphorical shoes. And even when the truth about her actions would be out, what were the chances of her being alive to feel their praise? She had seen what the brothers could do, especially when angry, and now they had her knife as well. What was even the point of doing her duty if she wasn’t even going to see the day her hard work paid off?  
  
In some ways she could empathize with Lilith for trying to make that deal with Sam. Where was the fun in winning if there wasn’t any prize?  
  
Still, though… what was she if she sided with the humans? Certainly not a proper demon anymore, that’s for sure. Could that even happen? If angels could fall, did that mean demons could rise? Did she even want to rise, if that was the case?  
  
Ugh. Too many questions. She hated thinking so much, getting too deep into her mind. It was just confusing and infuriating.  
  
But still, there was little else to do. Everyone else was sleeping, even the fallen angel, Anna. And it’s not like she had anywhere else to go. She was shunned by other demons, angels and supernatural creatures in general just for being what she was. And while she could fool humans easily enough, it never lasted. She hadn’t been with any humans other than Sam and Dean since she left the hospital, but even before then it wasn’t like she was fraternising with them for the good company. She didn’t belong anywhere, as it was now. The only one who accepted her (however reluctantly) was Sam and he didn’t even know the truth about her. Then again, did anyone? Or even herself?  
  
It was… difficult, deciding which side she was really on. She wasn’t supposed to play an important part like this in the apocalypse; she was just supposed to be an ordinary foot soldier on the side of demons, darkness and eternal evil and blah blah blah. And now, suddenly, she could turn the whole war around, just by telling team free will the truth. The mere thought was frightening. She never asked for this, never.  
  
She was now pacing back and forth in the small room, keeping watch for the others (Dean had protested a great deal, but with a little convincing from the other two [“Dean, she’s the only one here who doesn’t need sleep. Besides, she’s saved our lives countless of times, don’t you think she would have killed us already if she wanted to?”] he somewhat unenthusiastically agreed).  
She looked at their beds, messy and uncomfortable-looking, whilst considering what their reactions would be if she told them about everything. Dean would want to kill her straight away for lying to them, that much she was sure of. Maybe Sam would forgive her for telling the truth in the end, or maybe he’d feel betrayed and want to kill her too. Was it really worth the risk?  
  
She was on her own in this war. How could she decide what side she was on if she didn’t even have anything tangible to fight for?  
  
____________  
  
Anna woke up several times that night. She was used to it, although before this whole mess it used to be because of nightmares, or because she heard the angels talk and it made her head hurt. Now it was because she was scared. She had been scared before in her human life, sure, but that was the kind of scared you were before an important test, or when you needed to use the bathroom at night and you saw monsters in the shadows. This was different.  
  
She was scared of what the angels would do if they found her, of what they would do if they never found her Grace. She was scared of what the war would bring upon them, she was scared for the friends she had made when she thought she was human. She had never been so uncertain before and it terrified her.  
  
But even though her feelings weren’t exactly the most desirable ones, she didn’t want to give them up. Feeling was… beyond everything else. All those years of being an angel, a divine being, and it hadn’t had any meaning or purpose before she fell. And now she had to go back to that empty way of living, whether she wanted to or not. Because it was for the greater good (the actual greater good, and not the kind the other angels were talking about) and she couldn’t afford to be selfish, or her and her beloved earth would perish together.  
  
She smiled bitterly, because while this pain of hers was colossal, it was only mental and wouldn’t be enough punishment for her betrayal of heaven. The road she had chosen when she fell was all but easy, but it was the right one and she knew it. The problem was just to make other people (angels) realise that, too.  
  
However, that was the only thing she was certain of. She didn’t have a clue of how to proceed, didn’t know how they would be able to win this war. How could they? They were up against the forces of heaven and hell both, and she could count the beings on their side on less than two hands.  
  
But even if she had made her choice (and wasn’t regretting it), she missed heaven. She missed her brethren and having a home; belonging somewhere and always knowing her duty. It was easier back then. There was no confusion, no apprehension or misery.  
  
And now she could never go back. They wouldn’t forgive her for as long as she lived, and she highly doubted that she would survive for much longer. She was weak, and her allies were easily defeated; the only reason that they weren’t already long since dead and gone was that they were needed for the Big Plan (big enough for capitalization). She pitied them, she at least had the comfort of knowing she wouldn’t have to endure much more of this battle, but no matter how much they’d wish to leave they wouldn’t be able to.  
  
She missed home. Both the one she used to have in heaven, and the one she’d had on earth. She missed the sense of belonging, of having a safe place where she could imagine that nothing or no one could hurt her. Now she had lost both forever, all because her brothers didn’t know how to think for themselves.  
  
Sometimes she doubted God. The first time those thoughts had found their way into her mind she had been repelled by herself, wondering how she could even put words to such awful things. That was a long time ago. Now she almost hoped that there was no God, because what was the alternative? A Father whom created the angels as unfeeling, obeying little soldiers and then left them on their own, without any guidance whatsoever. And he didn’t even bother to stop them when they were doing the wrong thing, when they were destroying the earth and all of his beloved humans with it. What kind of father would do that to his children?  
  
Castiel was still faithful to the angels, but she knew that he was starting to doubt them, too. Not God, never God, but their brothers. Despite being an angel he did have a sense of right and wrong, and somewhere he had to know that what was going on was wrong. She hoped that he would come around soon, because being alone at a time like this was harder than she had imagined. She needed to talk to someone who understood, someone who could give her advice, help and support. The way her mother had helped her when she was young and worried about her future, or how her father had reassured her when the people came to take her to the mental institute.  
  
She didn’t have anything or anyone to fall back on anymore.  
  
____________  
  
In the end, they found each other. At first it wasn’t exactly the kind of beginning of a relationship one would expect, but hey, demon and angel. Not exactly your average Joe and Jane. Initially both of them just needed to feel closeness to another body, the warmth of someone else lying beside them under the covers.  
  
And then they began to talk.  
  
They talked, and talked, and talked for ages, like none of them had ever done before. They spoke of their fears and worries and secrets, and to their surprise (and at first, slight distaste) they found that they weren’t as different as one would think at first sight.  
  
They began to trust each other, and when Ruby finally told Anna about how she had planned to betray them (somewhere down the road, her subconscious had decided that she wasn’t going to go through with it. It had absolutely nothing to do with Anna. Nope. Nada.) the other girl had just smiled and accepted her.  
  
Their story was peculiar, and by no means easy, but it was theirs and they loved each other. They had found home in each other.


End file.
